I need a 100 word pitch for the Muse Online Conference to pitch to agents/editors. Here’s my current version. Opinions please!
In Dashevona, where females with magic can be killed by law, Marian discovers she has not one magic, but two: enchanter and fey. When the elemental fey burn Marian's village, her mother within, Marian is knocked out before she can stop them or exact revenge. The Fey realize their mistake when Marian shows signs of being the woman to open the return for their goddess. Without the goddess, anything touched by fey, including Marian, could die as the source fades away. Hiding is no longer an option. Can Marian forgive those who killed her mother, in order to save herself?
Emergence of the Fey (97,000 words)
Edit: After the feedback here (thanks!) and from my husband, here’s my revision (at 105 words):
In Dashevona, where females with magic are executed, Marian discovers she has not one magic, but two: enchanter and fey. When the elemental fey burn Marian's village, her mother within, Marian is knocked out before she can stop them or exact revenge.
The Fey seek forgiveness when they learn Marian can hear their banished goddess, a sign of Marian's ability to initiate Her return. Anything touched by fey, including Marian, will perish as the goddess’ power fades.
Marian must overcome anger, heartbreak, and betrayal, while being hunted by the Enchanter Council. Can she do all this when her heart has been stolen by a thief?
I don’t want to take space on describing the differences in magic. Or give too much away by going into detail on why the village is burned. Some questions are good, as long as the reader is interested. Thoughts?
((removed poll. getting weird error in Windows Live Writer, which poll seemed to contribute to.))